top of page
The Garden Of Thoughts
This is a space of connection for parents seeking a deeper path to their child's heart.
Welcome!
Consider this digital garden a safe space for growth and connection.
It is rooted in a powerful idea: that love can break through even the hardest ground. If you've read my book, you'll recognise its seeds.
If you're new here, I hope you'll find the inspiration to nurture your own challenges with love and unwavering faith.
Now... Let's go plant some seeds 🌱
Before we start...
WHAT IS A SEED? 🌱
A "Seed" is a small, deliberate action rooted in your shared past with your child. It can be a private signal, an object, or a ritual that carries a meaning only the two of you fully understand. Its purpose is to trigger your child's memories and to honour the unique connection you share.
HOW DO I FIND MY OWN SEED? 🌱
Finding your own Seed requires deep reflection. Look back, not with pain, but with love and faith, and bring back what you want your child to remember. It's important for this Seed to be loving, personal and pressure-free. Questions to ask yourself: What was our secret? What was our ritual? What object held meaning?
WHAT IF I PLANT A SEED AND NOTHING HAPPENS? 🌱
In this garden, the primary purpose of planting is to reclaim your own integrity and peace. It's important to note that, as in nature, growth requires time and care. Your Seed might take years to grow into a beautiful plant. If your child recognises the Seed and responds, it is a gift. If they cannot, your act still holds immense power. You are keeping a light on so they will never doubt that a home for your connection still exists.
Seed 1:
Plant Faith, Not Fear
Desperation often speaks a language a child cannot safely hear. It can feel like pressure, adding to the weight they carry. Your child is likely caught in loyalty binds, so they may instinctively pull away from what feels heavy or demanding.
Faith is quite the opposite. It is the conscious decision to trust the unbreakable foundation of your love and in your child's core self, even when you cannot see it. It creates a space of emotional safety that, over time, can become a beacon for your child to find their way back to.
Seed 2:
Build Bridges
It feels final: every bridge to your child seems burned. What now?
Look within; in the past you uniquely share. The most enduring links are often the private symbols, the beloved objects only you and your child remember.
Those affections are not lost. They are often preserved as parts of a happier time, tied to a life when your presence meant comfort and joy.
Like Frosty the elf or Alma the doll in my book, find your links to your child.
And once you find them, use them!
If the connection feels faint, look closer. Build something meaningful from the smallest glimmer of the past. You can do it!
Seed 3:
Nurture your own soil first
You cannot give from an empty place.
Before you can help your child remember who you are, you must first remember -- and tend to -- yourself.
The strength, calm, and love needed to rebuild a connection must first be nurtured within you. Like Iris in my book, you may need time to remember the shape of your own garden. You may need to spend time alone with your thoughts and patiently picking up the signals your deepest self sends your way. It requires listening and deciding to grow from what you hear.
Your garden is waiting beneath the overgrowth.
The SEEDS in Hope Is A Gentle Flicker
Fireflies
The
Nina's
Daffodils
Frosty
Alma
the doll
the elf
Rainbow
The
Art
Nina's
Fried Egg
Adele's
Seeds planted by other parents 🌱
Readers of Hope Is A Gentle Flicker will know how vital our seeds became in our journey to reconnect with Adele and Nina. But these stories from other parents can inspire you to find your seeds, too:
Every Monday, before school, we used to watch the sunrise from our back garden. We called it "our secret sun".
A year ago, I began posting a sunrise photo to a social media account I believe she still checks.
A month ago (on a Monday), my daughter posted a sunset photo on her page. I'm sure it was a secret message for me, her dad.
L.T.
Alienated dad
Our favourite book when she was little was "The Little Prince". I went to the main library in our city (a place I know she goes) and donated a copy of the book.
Inside our favourite page I wrote, "I love you so much Zoe".
I hope she'll find it one day.
H.P
Alienated mum
My son and I used to build Lego for hours. He's a teenager now and we haven't seen each other in years. But still, every year, I buy him a Lego set of something I know he likes. For example, this year, for his birthday, I bought him the Stranger Things Lego set and left it at his door with a birthday card. One day, I hope we build them together again.
I.S
Alienated dad
Share your seeds of connection 🌱
What object, story or ritual became your bridge?
If you feel comfortable, plant your seed here to inspire other parents on the path.
bottom of page